I recently had an experience that prompted me to write this blog about safety and consent. I think it is so important to educate ourselves and others about consent. Without knowledge, we are lost as people. So I want to share what I have learned about consent and also share tips about safety.
I first want to say that sexual assault, stalking, sex trafficking is real and it is serious. I talk about these things with discretion and want to make it clear that it is never the victim’s fault. What you wear, how you dress does not grant somebody permission to take advantage of you. Because you were drinking a little too much does not give somebody permission to take advantage of you. I took a holistic health class last semester in college and we learned that when we are in situations where we feel threatened we unconsciously go into fight or flight mode. Our brain begin to process so that we can survive in stressful situations. I hear, “Why didn’t you say no?”, “Why didn’t you yell?”, “Why didn’t you just run?” often people who don’t understand that sometimes a person simply cannot even move in a threatening situation like that. The body, the mind literally goes in shock! So just know, It is never your fault.
I think it is important to teach consent at the age that we are taught about sex, which for me was in 5th-grade. I just finished up my first year at SFSU and in my first semester, I had to do a mandatory sexual assault + consent program online that consisted of multiple “what if” scenarios and situation videos, as well as a bunch of quizzes to complete. This program took about 1hr 30 minutes to finish. I could not skip through it and I had to let all the videos play out. I honestly can say that I learned a lot from this program. I did not know prior to this that under the influence of alcohol/drugs it is almost impossible to give clear consent. Since learning this I have been made more aware of my actions when drinking.
Consent is a big issue nowadays and can be easily brushed off. I think it important as adults to know consent, and to practice it. It is also important to spread knowledge about consent to others. If you have children let them know, if you have younger siblings please inform them, remind your friends what consent is. And do not be afraid to call people out if you see some creeper stuff going on! or make sure someone is okay. I am going to link a website from Planned Parenthood that talks about consent. Read up, and share it! Knowledge is power.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/sexual-consent
I also think it is important to stay safe when going out, hooking up, meeting new people. It sometimes gives me anxiety meeting someone new and hanging out with them. As a woman, I feel that I need to be even more aware of my surroundings because women are 2x as likely to be victims of sexual assault crimes than men, and 57% of women, 13% of men were victims of sex trafficking in 2018*. (Not saying men are not at risk also!) Sex trafficking, stalking, and kidnapping is real and can happen to anyone. I want to share some safety tips with you guys in hopes that people can stay as safe as possible.
With physical safety also comes cyber safety! Cyber safety is not really talked about much. It is important as a social media user to be aware of what you post, what you share with users, and who you are interacting with online. We as people need to protect ourselves, our identities, and security. Be aware of what you post on social media because it is on the internet forever and what you post can linger with you, and come back to haunt you. In a world of internet sharing, it’s so easy to find out someones’ location and address. It is easy to cyberstalk someone. Please be aware of this! Please look out for you and yours.
I got permission to share a post from model @aerincreer She made a post cautioning women during the COVID-19 shutdown. I think this is worth sharing.
5 Safety Tips:
Share your location with people you trust. 3 people that I trust have my location ALWAYS. I often times find myself randomly texting my best friend “I am going ____, with _____. You have my location.” A simple text letting my friend know where I will be and with who is important. God forbid anything to happen to me, at least my friend knows of my whereabouts. So share your location and don’t be shy to let someone know when you are going out somewhere alone or meeting up with someone.
Protect yourself at all costs. Keep pepper spray, a knife, a rape whistle, etc. Whatever you need to feel protected that you can use (that is legal of course) in case of an emergency.
Don’t be distracted in public. When you are getting in/out of your car please put your phone away. Keep an Airpod out of your ear. Tuck your keys/wallet in your pockets. Too many times we get distracted and that is when we are most vulnerable. My mom always suggests that I park somewhere well lit when going somewhere at night.
Don’t share too much information on the internet. Make sure you screen your media for clues about where you stay, and what car you drive. Chances are you don’t know all of your followers. So you do not know who could be lurking on your profile. ** Also cover your webcam camera! Don’t want any peeping toms to hack your computer/. laptops.
Go with your gut! Never second guess how you feel about someone or in a certain situation. If you do not feel right, if something or someone does not sit right with you follow your instincts! Your instincts will not lead you wrong. It is better safe than sorry.
I hope these little tips are helpful or can make you aware of yourself now as you go out to places, work, home. I wish everyone stays safe during this time. Remind your friends, family, significant others to also take precautions when going out or posting on the internet. Safety and awareness first!
Love you all,
- Jeane Tui
* My statistics for the human trafficking data can be found here : https://www.ctdatacollaborative.org/story/human-trafficking-and-gender-differences-similarities-and-trends